Shut up about Big Brother

My answer to "Reader's" original comment, whose name is actually Katie, is that you have no idea whether my British counterpart is tracking your visits. Just because he or she doesn't have a Site Meter symbol up (see below and right) doesn't mean he or she doesn't have one, or one similar to it. Almost every Web site in the world has a tracker on it. I keep mine so I can have fodder for posts like this. Who wouldn't want to know that their site is the only one in the whole world that comes up when someone Googles "women like to see penis pictures" ? That's an accomplishment if I ever saw one. And that I rank at all on a number of combinations of "240sx Nissan pop-up lights stuck," and often near the top. Or second for "doritos suck." Really, can you blame me?

I'm not even smart enough to figure out all the things that Site Meter could tell me. So cut it off with all the Big Brother melodrama. And stop being so insecure about who knows what sites you visit when. Believe me, bigger brothers than me know a lot more about you than I do. And they care a lot more, since I couldn't care less. You should really be using your time to write e-mails to all those data-mining companies.

By the way, I also rank first for — you guessed it — it's an outrage.

P.S. My British counterpart's site doesn't appear to have been updated since 2003. I think you're going to run out of relevant outrages pretty fast, if you can stand to look at the mess of a site for more than 30 seconds.

P.P.S. Today, my Site Meter told me that I'm fourth for "yale graduate douchebag" and third for "big boobs german tennis player." I can't explain how much that warms my heart.