A pile of crap

The most-emailed story on The New York Times' Web site today was headlined, "Saying Yes to Mess:"

"An anti-anticlutter movement is afoot, one that says yes to mess and urges you to embrace your disorder. Studies are piling up that show that messy desks are the vivid signatures of people with creative, limber minds (who reap higher salaries than those with neat 'office landscapes') and that messy closet owners are probably better parents and nicer and cooler than their tidier counterparts.

It’s a movement that confirms what you have known, deep down, all along: really neat people are not avatars of the good life; they are humorless and inflexible prigs, and have way too much time on their hands." [Emphasis added]

My friend Shawn, who, I estimate, is neater than 97.9 percent of the population, was a bit outraged:

"This is just sour grapes from some lazy motherfuckers. 'They are humorless and inflexible prigs, and have way too much time on their hands.' Really? Humorless, inflexible, bored prigs. Interesting. Eat a dick.

The best is when people claim that they can find anything in their piles. This is a lie. But this claim keeps being made because no one ever makes them prove it. Well, I'm calling their bullshit. Oh, you can find anything in your office, even blindfolded, Mr. Springer. Hmmm, where's that Chili's receipt for the tater poppers you plan on deducting from your taxes because it was a 'lunch meeting?' No, please, go ahead, The New York Times gives me all the time I need to work on these re-fucking-diculous puff pieces. I'll just move these loose Legos and bag of cat litter from this chair, have a seat and watch you dig through all your piles, inspecting every slip of paper until you pull out the right one. Please proceed. Asshole."

I think an important question to ask in this debate is how much time the messy people spend accumulating, looking for and moving around all their crap. Does it equal the time neat people spend keeping things neat? I think it's likely that it's the messy, clutter-lovers who have too much time on their hands.

Mr. Springer claims he can't clean up his piles of crap because he can't expend "the emotional energy it would take to sort through all the stuff.” What crap, indeed.

And the proof is that there is at least one show on television, "Clean Sweep," that hopes to teach all viewers of The Learning Channel what to do with the piles of stuff they keep around because they might need it at some imaginary future date. One whole cable television show dedicated to this cause. Clutter, clutter, clutter. It's an outrage and a fire hazard.