'Eyebrows on exactly the same level'

The venerable New York Times wedding pages have been the subject of many a rant and rave, particularly since the advent of the Internet. And the paper's online editors recently upped the ante. Now, readers who can't wait for Sunday's printed orgy of the wealthy, well-connected and uber-educated can watch these people profess their love on film at the paper's Web site.

My favorite, so far, is a little show I like to call The Catatonic Couple. I can't say that I've ever seen two people captured on film seem less excited to be marrying one another. Apart from the banjo, these people don't even seem to like each other.

The wedding announcements, and the mysterious-yet-not-so-mysterious manner in which they are selected, are proof that merely becoming wedded to the supposed love of your life isn't enough for some people. For those people, here's hoping your father is a CEO, and if not, you or your beloved at least graduated from Harvard Law. Most importantly, it is critical to line up your eyebrows with those of your intended. I couldn't make that up if I tried.

It's bad enough that the Times' society editors still deem themselves the arbiters of who is worthy enough to proclaim their love on their pages. Now they've decided everyone wants to know the mind-numbing details of how these mostly Ivy League-educated ladder-climbers found each other. And the sad truth is that people do. Unlike the Times' famous columnist Thomas Friedman, whose words have cost cash online for almost a year, anyone can get wedding announcements going back all the way to 1981 for free. The Times is obviously making bank off the clicks on these things.

I don't think I can say it any better than fellow-appallee, Slate writer Troy Patterson: "Who are these people? Why are they so pleased with themselves? Why can't I stop watching?" It's an outrage.